But instead of recuperating we got, ahem, slightly inebriated, and had to head home early. 3. grief about losing the child to reunification, another placement or adoption . Also I agree that foster families don’t just do for the money, because mine’s never did. Zero. They can eat what they want, drink what they want, sleep when they want, do what they want. Yes, the children may be familiar with the people already (definitely not a guarantee) but that is exactly the problem. More truma being put on the children trough the system, of which you now have to be a part of, due to the Foster system requirements. It’s not wealth but morals that provide a happy life; then money is frosting on the cake. An appellate court threw out the jury decision and it went to the state supreme court, who denied hearing the case. that, if they are white (AND ONLY WHITE! Biological parents only critisize and demand, never show up and when they do they are the heros, but we are the baddies in her eyes. I live in the suburbs (yuck! In at least five of my homes, I lived with foster parents who were newly licensed or ones who had never had foster children, much less a teenager who had been emotionally, physically and sexually abused. You have married parents. But I can tell you that from all of the people I know who have fostered exactly none of them (as in zero) did it for money. A prominent theme from the majority of participant interviews and surveys was a detailed and reflective description of the participant’s personal experience. You can always return or refuse the “wrong” child. I don’t know you or your struggles but it would probably be wise to spend some time talking with a counselor ahead of time. Parent visits are where you drive the kids to either a CPS office or some other place and drop them off, find something to do for two hours and then pick them up. Very interesting read. What a wonderful article. A two year old. And it has been equally heartbreaking to see the grief of my daughter’s family at losing what they considered their children. He is actually my 3rd Cousin so I went from 3rd Cousin to Caregiver to him calling me Mommy.. but he calls everyone that (which is quite sad). And doubly so because the basis of the statement was simply my skin color, which is itself, a racist statement. You are speaking the truth!##. Devastation will occur at some point. Because it was an interstate kinship placement no one seemed able to get the medicaid or stipend in place – both f which I told them I needed to provide childcare and medical care/counseling for the kids. Now I’m running from counselor to therapist to schools, to DHS to CPS to Foster Care Services, to the Adoption Agency, and to the courts, with everyones required paperwork, all the while still perusing their financial and medical needs to be established. While I am personally in favor of re-unification in a general sense, I also don’t think that drawn out treatments that are virtually guaranteed to fail should be pursued. It’s up to you. But I know of people who did and how they had to stop fostering because of what it was doing to their family. Never mind, I have a herd to feed and horses to stall in Texas weather with high winds that rip off tin from the barn. If someone were to call me a rapist or philanderer I would be rightly defensive because that term does not describe me. No. As for being paid we did not receive any “check” until the baby was well over seven months old. But such a blanket insult against all white people simply because of the color of their skin without regard for historical, economic, and philosophical considerations is unfounded, unwarranted, and, itself, racist. I am a single mother of a wonderful boy. I’m exhausted. Ours met at our home and so we were able to ask him very direct questions and he was able to give us very direct answers. He has punched a picture frame so he could seize the broken glass. Just hoping to assist..Thank you for the work that you do. Especially those that have been discarded and abused by society. Their lives? And when I was upset she kissed me and check. They won’t have to dress themselves. That is a really intense look onto foster/adopt dealings with the state. Because, you see, straight adoption families are lowest on the totem pole. But they go way out of their way to make special trips to visit us and do what they can. In a kinsmanship with a child that is not related to us. We got the call that a baby with a leg cast and a fractured skull needed a home. But the underlying problem in almost all of them is not the poverty itself. I also find it really helpful because it gives you an insight and the reasoning behind the poor choices we as the middle class perceive to to be terrible parenting. Kevin, this is true. Abuse is all that the child may know. An increasing number of states view foster care and adoption as a continuum and are establishing policies that encourage parents who are considering adoption to be foster parents first. We loved her like she was our own. He continued the intense screaming, but now was on 2 different meds 4x a day. Why put their children through a minimum of 6 months of additional uncertainty? I hope that my husband can work towards understanding that these behaviors that to me seem so minor will shift as they realize that we will not abandon them even if the state decides to reunify. Secondly, the stress of making sure he doesn’t hurt himself while playing so that his mother doesn’t file a report against us. The  medication training is perhaps the biggest time waste out of all of them. It will always be there. I know I won’t be perfect and it will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do, but I’m going to start preparing now. There was no direct evidence of abuse and there was never any “outcry” but they were removed anyway. Everyone thinks that fosterkids and foster parents are the only ones who need support. 4. grief of others in your family as the child leaves . I even started planning on how I was going to decorate the “little ones” room. I can’t provide any specific advice because I don’t know the dynamics. They just want to close the case. Why? Hallelujah someone who understands! Ah yes. Yes, we get paid to do it. My second is that being a foster parent is hard and if it’s something that sounds too hard after reading this it’s best to not get directly involved. Anger occurs when someone violates your worldview (I have spent some time over the past several years trying to falsify this and I can’t). This notion that kids automatically do better in a family placement is ridiculous. People do not understand what it is like until they have experienced it. It affects the biological kids in the home, friendships, relationships to family, work success. Given that this is the assertion we hear over and over again, this type of response is fairly typical and goes about without being questioned. I’m sorry for your loss. I swear our caseworker is out for us. In the back of my mind I thought, well if we get married I’ll be able to get her convinced to have them. I know they are overworked.. The case workers have threaten to remove him from my care unless I become a hypocrite and tell my GS “Mommy is sick and we have to help her get better” but at the same time, tell me that my only contact with her is when I bring my GS for his visits with her that are supervised twice a week which I have been doing. We have 3 children of our own who are now on their way out the door to start their lives. I never comment on blogs etc but had to say you’ve hit the nail on the head here! In all my searching I found only one person who could possibly take our little one away. For example, say you were planning a 10th anniversary weekend trip to Napa because you were told that the children would be back in their home weeks before then. I have read lots of articles on what it’s like being a child in the system and what it’s like being a foster parent but what about the bio kids of the foster parents? With caring for a family members child, you become the black sheep, the thief, the wedge between the child and parent. However for Cocaine, or especially Meth, if they fail after 6 months there is almost no point in continuing. Almost every child in the foster care system has some kind of attachment disorder (how could they not?!) (What the agencies don’t tell you)” I am a single business woman working from home as well. Each of those disorders I listed are have some basis in a lack of self control and are reactive in nature. The first is bad for obvious reasons. This type of information (showing the child being the one charged with legal issues) is hard to find with proof and not just hear-say. Guess what his mom is working on baby #10. I don’t know that I can provide any advice. Now, stop and consider that those kinds of things are probably happening to real children within driving distance of your home. If that’s what you think it is, I think you are missing the point. Perhaps the argument could be made that because the Canadian government gave land to the Prussian Mennonites in the 1870’s that I indirectly gained an advantage from that. And then you need to have medication logs. Foster parents get burned out, hard. I find issues such as racism and classism to be like that, we think we know, but we actually don’t. (I also apologize for the lack of rigid structure in the writing. My husband works two months out in the oilfield and is home seven days. So many many things have happened that I say all the time if I had known the real “cost” my decision would have been different. We are at our wits end on anything we can do to try and save her from having to go through the pain my oldest nephew has had to endure. The reason is that she can’t bear a child due to how sensitive her body is. We agreed and a few hours later a car arrived. We live in a society with a long history of racism and racist institutions. White, black and hispanics have close to the same number of children in foster care and waiting for adoption. At least, that’s what I think based on what you posted here. Wow. Interactions with the child welfare agency were the most commonly cited factors affecting foster parent retention. Siblings do one of two things. It is true, though that many foster parents need the compensation. I ended up having to take her to the health department and pay for it out of pocket because the DHHR wouldn’t get anything in gear for us. I have set up another page for that. We made so much progress in one year, I just wish I had a fast forward button for the next year. But; Nothing could have prepared me for the Chaos and dysfunction God had dropped me in the midst of. John – I hope this article did not turn you away from fostering. Bless you for being 79 years old and taking in your 6yo grandson! How could we not as a result of growing up in this society? Maybe. Foster parenting is a unique and rewarding experience that almost any adult can participate in. I read about your passage and I really showed me another perspective and it opened my eyes. As difficult as that was we actually ended up becoming good friends with the girl’s new parents. It really helps you empathise and understand people from generational poverty and feel less angry and judgemental toward them. With no transition, the 20 month old boys were taken from the loving foster family and given to the parents, thankfully kept on a trial reunification, but with inadequate oversight. Poverty, itself, is a problem. Having parented them not for several years I can say there is nothing suspicious about any of the various injuries they get. The only advice I can give, if I’m qualified to do so, is to examine your reasons. My response would be to make sure that you, yourself, have emotionally healed from the divorce first. People from each class no matter working, middle or upper classes, would have most similarity with people from their own class regardless of race. Boyfriend or family members. In this case, the medium is anger (i.e. I do not believe in the superiority of any race and I do not believe that there is ANYTHING inherently inferior about anyone on the basis of race. Almost all of the cases I have in my email folder are people who come from broken families. That is what they signed up for, after all. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. It sadly made me feel better to know that we aren’t the only ones who have been shit on by the system. The state has what is called Minimum Standards. So I’ve been googling foster parent experiences. I am currently taking a break between placements and seriously considering whether I want another one. Great writing. I want to help children, but I also want to be the parent and in charge of what goes on in the home without state people dictating my every move. CPS wouldn’t help her, they felt she was trying to get over on the system. To pay for the anti-depressants and therapy you need from dealing with the children (that’s a clumsy attempt at a joke). Remember, many cases that CPS works with involve highly addictive substances. CPS doesn’t inform you of anything, yet, they rush you through the process and later you find out, it’s not ten weeks of care, not six months but a year. We will be taking them from their loving, wonderful Foster Parents. Because of the stresses that the children put you under along with the stress of knowing that what you do is under the eye of the state, at the end of the day you fall onto your bed, turn on the TV and hope that the next day is better. 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